The thoughts in my head spin around like a tennis shoe in a dryer. Thumping and pounding and giving me a headache. There are days when I pretend like the burning will end but it doesn’t. The soles of my thoughts are bare from running, the rubber melting off leaving an unpleasant smell. The fear never ends. The anxiety never ends. These thoughts never end. The only thing that goes away is the fake smile I painfully pull across my face. I feel exhausted and angry. When I close my eyes I see black in a way that I shouldn’t, like the darkness is permanent and it’s eerily comforting.
They say that everything will be okay and that life will get better if we just stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive. Life is what you make it. All bad things have to end, tomorrow is another day, miracles happen! But all of that just horribly translates to, “I have nothing to say to you that’s gonna make life any better”. So why not just say that?
It’s not going to get better.